Holstein-Friesian
Looking to add some DRAMA to your drab, monotonous farmyard? Say hello to the Holstein-Friesian, the only cow with built-in FORMAL WEAR!
That's right! Why settle for boring, single-colored livestock when you could own nature's own TUXEDO COW? Each Holstein-Friesian comes factory-equipped with that iconic black-and-white pattern that screams "I'm not just dairy, I'm DESIGNER dairy!"
What makes our Holstein-Friesians the must-have farm accessory of the season?
- Milk Production That Defies Physics: Each Holstein produces enough milk daily to drown a small village! Your fridge will NEVER be empty again. In fact, you'll be begging neighbors to take some off your hands! "Please, PLEASE take this milk. I'm DROWNING."
- Built-In GPS Locator: Lost your cow? IMPOSSIBLE! That high-contrast color scheme means you can spot your Holstein from SPACE. NASA uses them as landmark references!
- Conversation Starter: Tired of awkward silences at farm parties? Your Holstein-Friesian will have everyone asking, "Is that cow wearing a negative of itself?" Deep philosophical discussions guaranteed!
- Living Chess Piece: Other farms have boring lawns. YOU'LL have a living, breathing chess board! Just buy 31 more and teach them to stand still for hours!
- Weather Prediction: When your Holstein turns pink, seek immediate shelter as you're hallucinating and a storm is definitely coming!
WARNING: Holstein-Friesians may cause spontaneous dairy puns, increased calcium intake, and the inexplicable urge to yodel in Swiss mountain ranges. Some owners report being judged by their cow's expressionless yet somehow disapproving stare.
ORDER NOW and receive our complimentary "Got Milk? OBVIOUSLY!" branded bucket and our bestselling book: "50 Shades of Black and White: Living with a Cow That Out-Dresses You."
HOLSTEIN-FRIESIAN: Because regular cows are just disappointing once you've seen one in formalwear!